Oooh! History! History is fun!
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"Canada's Loser Prime Ministers"
Well.. Sir... John. A. MacDonald. He died in 1891.
Conservatively speaking he had a pretty good run.
He left his party reeling.
When he packed it in.
When he took it all with him.
He even took the gin.
He left his partners cold and scared,
to run the country ill-prepared
A bunch of rich, old guys choking on their phlegm
All of them... Hoping to be the next P.M.
It was a time of death and a time of fears,
Five Prime Ministers in just five years,
All of them old, all of them white,
And you probably never heard of them before tonight.
John A. was gone, the tories in a mess,
Johnny Abbott stepped up but he couldn't take the stress,
He called in sick, couldn't get out of bed,
Then he got cancer and then he got dead.
Now Sir John Thompson had the nescessary stuff,
He was smart and kind and fair and tough,
He took a trip to England for a visit to the King,
But he never came back 'cause his heart went bing.
It was a time of death and a time of fears,
Five Prime Ministers in just five years,
3 were up, 3 were gone,
And for some reason they were all named John...
Well, Thompson was dead, who was gonna lead?
Mackenzie Bowell said 'Hey, pick me!'
Old Bowell was the worst choice yet,
forced to resign by his own cabinet,
He was not right nor a good orator,
And he called his cabinets a bunch of traitors...
Just too weak, just too dumb,
so the party voted to fire the bum
It was a time of death and a time of fears,
Five Prime Ministers in just five years,
All conservative, all wore a hat,
Most were drunk and most were fat.
Well, the tories were scared and the liberals were humming,
'cause they knew that a federal election was coming
Someone had to lead, someone had to run,
Charles Tupper said: 'Boys, I can win this one!'
He had smarts and charm, grace and class,
But still Wilfred Laurier kicked his ass,
He only held the job for seventy days!
Even John Turner couldn't take his record away!
So remember Canada, if you feel ashamed,
And think our Prime Minister is kinda lame,
Once there was a time far, far worse,
In the 1890's Prime Ministers were cursed!
Well, some of the sucked, and some of them blew
But they all did way, way better than you
And sure they were losers, they were also PM
That makes you all bigger losers than them!