casita
Senior Member
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Rob Ford's Toronto
- Thread starter MetroMan
- Start date
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ParkdalePetunia
Active Member
I was skimming through twitter today and I saw someone tweet about Doug saying that Rob got him to run in Ward 2 and told him it was a part time position. I can't find it now though.
James_D
Active Member
This reminded me of a first draft of a sketch I wrote for Second CitY two years ago or so. Caveat, first draft, no revisions, etc...
A long line of people stand waiting for a hot-dog at the annual Ford Fest BBQ.
BARRY approaches the end of the line.
DALE:
(acknowledging BARRY) How’s it going? Is this the line-up for the BBQ?
BARRY:
It is indeed. One helluva shindig Rob’s putting on huh?
DALE:
Sure is. I tell ya, Ford is the man and one helluva mayor...opening up his backyard to everyone for a bbq like this? Real man of the people. I tell ya, Comrade David Miller would never do something like this.
BARRY:
No sir. It’s a real pleasure just being able to hang out with some normal salt-of-earth people, enjoy the weather and eat some great food.
MAUREEN:
(joining their conversation)
I couldn’t help but overhear and it sure is nice. There’s isn’t a leftie union trough-sucker in sight.
BARRY:
Have you guys been in line for the burgers for long?
DALE:
Just over two hours.
MAUREEN.
I heard the burgers are from Costco.
BARRY:
Classic Robbie. He keeps it real. Nothing fancy. None of these elite downtown burgers. Just real honest food. He never fails to impress me. You know what I like best about him?
DALE:
What’s that?
BARRY:
He’s someone I can relate to. He isn’t living in an ivory tower. He just kind of reminds me of me.
MAUREEN:
Oh, did you inherit a multi-million dollar company too?
BARRY:
Well, no. I just mean he’s a straight-shooter. Not like these free-loading left-wing union slugs. Always looking for hand-outs.
DALE:
How much longer do you think these burgers will be?
MAUREEN:
I know – makes me sick. These lefties with their hands out, looking for freebies.
DALE::
Couldn’t agree more. Do you think they have potato salad too? I really hope there’s potato salad.
BARRY:
Yep – he’s just a real straight-talking, man of the people, take no guff kind of guy. You know what? He’s the kind of guy who you could just have a beer with and challenge to a chicken-wing eating contest.
DALE:
Exactly! You know what he is? He’s the kind of guy who would take his wife to Jack Astor’s for their anniversary.
BARRY:
With a groupon. That I can respect. That’s a man I can relate to.
DALE:
He’s the sort of down-to-earth guy that if you ran into him in the bathroom you wouldn’t feel like he was judging you for not washing your hands.
BARRY:
Exactly. Not like those elitists downtown. They’d look down their nose at you. Of course, that’s if they weren’t too busy begging for handouts.
DALE:
Can we get cheese on our burger? I think I saw someone with cheese on their burger. I’m hoping there’s cheese.
MAUREEN:
I’m getting tired of the left whining about Robbie. His shirt is untucked? Who cares? So what, he sweats when he talks? Big friggin whoop? He has difficulty forming sentences and thoughts? Hey, who doesn’t!?? Glass houses is what I say.
BARRY:
You know what? I LIKE the fact that he naps while driving. He’s a busy guy. He’s taking care of business. That is what I call respect for the taxpayer. You’d never see one of them socialist councilors multi-tasking like that. They can only do one thing at a time and that’s stick their hands out and beg. Just a bunch of trough-feeders lined up suck the public teat.
DALE:
Well said my friend. So, can we get a hamburger and a sausage or are we only allowed one or the other? I’m pretty sure I saw someone with a sausage and hamburger.
BARRY:
I’ll tell you something. I LIKE the fact that he got drunk and ran out onto the field during an Argo’s game. Know why? That’s something I do. It’s things like that I can relate to. .
MAUREEN:
I thought you looked familiar.
BARRY:
Exactly. And I for one respect the fact that he can only read at a 5th grade level. Being functionally illiterate keeps him grounded. He’s not all full of himself.
MAUREEN:
Yep. Not like those south of Bloor types. (MOCKINGLY) Look at me. I have an education. I can read. I understand things. Pftttt. Get over yourselves.
MAUREEN:
Exactly.
DALE:
So smug. Not too smug to always be looking to get something for nothing though. Oh, when it’s time for hand-outs they’ll be there cap in hand. Just shameless.
Carl runs into the scene and addresses the line-up.
CARL;
Hey! They’re giving out ice-cream by the pool!
DALE, MAUREEN and BARRY:
Woo-hoo! Ice cream!
A long line of people stand waiting for a hot-dog at the annual Ford Fest BBQ.
BARRY approaches the end of the line.
DALE:
(acknowledging BARRY) How’s it going? Is this the line-up for the BBQ?
BARRY:
It is indeed. One helluva shindig Rob’s putting on huh?
DALE:
Sure is. I tell ya, Ford is the man and one helluva mayor...opening up his backyard to everyone for a bbq like this? Real man of the people. I tell ya, Comrade David Miller would never do something like this.
BARRY:
No sir. It’s a real pleasure just being able to hang out with some normal salt-of-earth people, enjoy the weather and eat some great food.
MAUREEN:
(joining their conversation)
I couldn’t help but overhear and it sure is nice. There’s isn’t a leftie union trough-sucker in sight.
BARRY:
Have you guys been in line for the burgers for long?
DALE:
Just over two hours.
MAUREEN.
I heard the burgers are from Costco.
BARRY:
Classic Robbie. He keeps it real. Nothing fancy. None of these elite downtown burgers. Just real honest food. He never fails to impress me. You know what I like best about him?
DALE:
What’s that?
BARRY:
He’s someone I can relate to. He isn’t living in an ivory tower. He just kind of reminds me of me.
MAUREEN:
Oh, did you inherit a multi-million dollar company too?
BARRY:
Well, no. I just mean he’s a straight-shooter. Not like these free-loading left-wing union slugs. Always looking for hand-outs.
DALE:
How much longer do you think these burgers will be?
MAUREEN:
I know – makes me sick. These lefties with their hands out, looking for freebies.
DALE::
Couldn’t agree more. Do you think they have potato salad too? I really hope there’s potato salad.
BARRY:
Yep – he’s just a real straight-talking, man of the people, take no guff kind of guy. You know what? He’s the kind of guy who you could just have a beer with and challenge to a chicken-wing eating contest.
DALE:
Exactly! You know what he is? He’s the kind of guy who would take his wife to Jack Astor’s for their anniversary.
BARRY:
With a groupon. That I can respect. That’s a man I can relate to.
DALE:
He’s the sort of down-to-earth guy that if you ran into him in the bathroom you wouldn’t feel like he was judging you for not washing your hands.
BARRY:
Exactly. Not like those elitists downtown. They’d look down their nose at you. Of course, that’s if they weren’t too busy begging for handouts.
DALE:
Can we get cheese on our burger? I think I saw someone with cheese on their burger. I’m hoping there’s cheese.
MAUREEN:
I’m getting tired of the left whining about Robbie. His shirt is untucked? Who cares? So what, he sweats when he talks? Big friggin whoop? He has difficulty forming sentences and thoughts? Hey, who doesn’t!?? Glass houses is what I say.
BARRY:
You know what? I LIKE the fact that he naps while driving. He’s a busy guy. He’s taking care of business. That is what I call respect for the taxpayer. You’d never see one of them socialist councilors multi-tasking like that. They can only do one thing at a time and that’s stick their hands out and beg. Just a bunch of trough-feeders lined up suck the public teat.
DALE:
Well said my friend. So, can we get a hamburger and a sausage or are we only allowed one or the other? I’m pretty sure I saw someone with a sausage and hamburger.
BARRY:
I’ll tell you something. I LIKE the fact that he got drunk and ran out onto the field during an Argo’s game. Know why? That’s something I do. It’s things like that I can relate to. .
MAUREEN:
I thought you looked familiar.
BARRY:
Exactly. And I for one respect the fact that he can only read at a 5th grade level. Being functionally illiterate keeps him grounded. He’s not all full of himself.
MAUREEN:
Yep. Not like those south of Bloor types. (MOCKINGLY) Look at me. I have an education. I can read. I understand things. Pftttt. Get over yourselves.
MAUREEN:
Exactly.
DALE:
So smug. Not too smug to always be looking to get something for nothing though. Oh, when it’s time for hand-outs they’ll be there cap in hand. Just shameless.
Carl runs into the scene and addresses the line-up.
CARL;
Hey! They’re giving out ice-cream by the pool!
DALE, MAUREEN and BARRY:
Woo-hoo! Ice cream!
casita
Senior Member
At a new park opening, Doug just told the crowd that Rob asked him to run in 2010, and that it was just a part-time job.
https://twitter.com/LaRocqueSays/status/493464114883092481
tiffer24
Senior Member
That must be the line up for the Kool-Aid.
adma
Superstar
Maybe Michael Jackson fans are most comparable.
casita
Senior Member
Sex, politics, and religion are like the unholy trinity of conversation.
I guess that's why we love to discuss them so much!
evvabeing
Senior Member
(i know there are some on here that will not like this, and to those, i apologise.)
grape flavored Flavor-Aid would be better.
Oriana
Active Member
I was thinking the same thing. Also wondering... if he gets enough attention while campaigning and throwing free burger parties, seeing hoards of applauders and selfie groupies, what's going to happen to that ego of his? It's quite typical for someone who feels that kind of power to go overboard and start doing some really nasty things. Nastier than we've seen so far. RF doesn't have a healthy ego, and if it starts inflating more, I think he'll shoot himself in the foot in a big way. The FordFests will raise him up. Then he'll f'up. Cause he always does. Cause he can't help himself. Cause he's used to rejection and used to alienating himself from others.
casita
Senior Member
evvabeing
Senior Member
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Pickles
Active Member
James __D, loved your script. Thanks for sharing it. I'd love to see it used in an "anyone but Ford" rally. Maybe I'll have to organize one!
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hper
Active Member
That was great. You should shoot that. And other tales from The Ford Fest line-up. It's pretty universal, And it has legs. Could be devastatingly effective.
Scarberian
Active Member
Not a book. Too elitist. Audio book, maybe. A Kenny Power-esque audio book. A best of Rob Ford Bloopers DVD vol 1 on the $5 dvd rack is also possible.
Now on the subject of criticizing the Fords, here's my rant on it.
When critics and opponents of RoFo attack him on his weight, physical appearance, family members who are not there by choice. IMO they just gave some ammo and red meat to the Fords. Saying the IHTWORF crowd has done worse, doesn't really cut it for me personally. The opposite of crazy extremism is not another type of crazy extremism, it's sanity and moderation.
The nutbars are gonna nutbar regardless. It's the moderates and soft support that can still make a difference IMO. And I think they can tune out fast if they hear a lot of his critics going ,' omg look at how fat he is, and those shoes with that belt? hey let's mercilessly make fun of their children too.' Civic disengagement from disgust can still benefit RoFo's numbers. His % seems stuck, but Rofo may still be a factor if he can severely reduce the overall turnout. That's risky and very destructive long term, but this is RoDoFo we're talking about.
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casita
Senior Member
Now MiFo's turn to inherit the ward per his entitlement. Or, did the ward inherit MiFo?
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