Yes, hello there, hello.
I am the owner of the Woodbine Centre; voted #837 on Closeout King's 'Best malls to visit in the GTA list', three years running.
As a trusted business owner and accomplished entrepreneur in the retail sector, I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone
for continuing to support the Woodbine Centre, Toronto's premier shopping experience in 2024; without your patronage, the
Woodbine would have closed three weeks ago.
With many great changes on the way, it brings me great pleasure to announce that the Woodbine Centre's proposed 200 million
dollar budget has since been upgraded to three hundred trillion dollars! As the cornerstone of our success, we are poised to bring
visitors a shopping experience unlike any other. Amenities such as:
- Ample parking space for your or your ex girlfriend's car.
- A newly-installed 'hide and go seek' maze game located between the hundreds of tractor trailers parked outside.
- The popular 'what does the brown water taste like' game found in the lower level concourse.
- For the daring adventurer, try Shop-A-Lot's Cardboard box Rock Climbing extravanagza. Just make sure the Toronto Fire Hazard Safety ward doesn't catch you!
- What stores closed this week? A riveting documentary series chronocling the rise, fall, and subsequent rise again of the Woodbine Centre.
Lastly, as the crown jewel and pinnacle of the Woodbine Centre's all-in-one, family-oriented shopping experience, we are proud to announce
the grand opening of Maggiano's. Already hailed by critics as the hip new Michelin Star-rated tour de force, Maggiano's offers authentic
Italian dishes curated from traditional, Sicilian-inspired dishes that are sure to scintilate the most discerning of taste palettes.
Don't let the half-lit signs out front fool you, a savory meal at Maggiano's is a culinary aroma and love letter to only the finest of cooking
from the country. Atmospheric Italian aesthetics paired with a handful of rats crawling through the ceiling panels, you won't need your
red shoes to feel at home, Dorothy.
We hope to see you at the Woodbine Centre soon!
Best,
Mr. Woodbine.