Trouble In River City!
Well, either you're closing your eyes
To a situation you do now wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated
By the presence of grey cladding panels in your community.
Ya got trouble, my friend, right here,
I say, trouble right here in River City.
The first big step on the road
To the depths of deg-grey-day--
I say, first, concrete blocks,
Then a sea of plate glass.
An' the next thing ya know,
Your son is workin' for money
In an architects office in a pinch-back suit.
And list'nin to some big out-a-town Jasper
Hearin' him tell about grey claddin' panels.
Not wholesome hippy era red brick, no!
But grey panels set down right on the building!
Like to see some stuck-up hipster boy
Sittin' out front of some technically flawless massing?
Make your blood boil?
Well, I should say.
Friends, lemme tell you what I mean.
Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six buildings in West Don Lands.
Buildings that mark the diff'rence
Between a gentlemen and a bum,
With a capital "B,"
And that rhymes with "G" and that stands for grey!
And all week long your River City
Youth'll be frittern away,
I say your young men'll be frittern!
Frittern away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too!
Admiring street level materials and detailing with no red brick,
Never mind gittin' Dandelions pulled
Or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded.
Never mind pumpin' any water
'Til your parents are caught with the Cistern empty
On a Saturday night and that's trouble,
Oh, yes we got lots and lots a' trouble.
I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers,
Shirt-tail young ones, peekin' at the grey cladding
and the trees in concrete planters after school, look, folks!
Right here in River City.
Trouble with a capital "T"
And that rhymes with "G" and that stands for grey!
Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda parents.
I'm gonna be perfectly frank.
Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes
On while they're loafin' around West Don Lands?
They're talkin' "Clewes", tryin' out minimalism,
Tryin' out Tailor Mades like Cigarette Feends!
And braggin' all about
How they're gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen
And all the buildings with concrete and glass and grey claddin'.
One fine night, they leave their sleek, grey-clad pads,
Headin' for the dance at the Arm'ry!
Libertine men and Scarlet women!
And Rag-time, shameless music
That'll grab your son and your daughter
With the arms of a jungle animal instink!
Mass-staria!
Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground!
People:
Trouble, oh we got trouble,
Right here in River City!
With a capital "T"
That rhymes with "G"
And that stands for Grey.
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in River City,
Right here!
Gotta figger out a way
To keep the young ones moral after school!
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...
Mothers of River City!
Heed the warning before it's too late!
Watch for the tell-tale sign of corruption!
The moment your son leaves the house,
Does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden in the corn crib?
Is he starting to memorize jokes from Capt.
Billy's Whiz Bang?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like "neo-Modern?" and "minimalist?"
And "contemporary architecture?"
Well, if so my friends,
Ya got trouble,
Right here in River city!
With a capital "T"
And that rhymes with "G"
And that stands for Grey.
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in River City!
Remember 1 St. Thomas, The Cheddington and the Golden Rule!
Oh, we've got trouble.
We're in terrible, terrible trouble.
That game that architects play is a devil's tool!
Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble!
With a "T"! Gotta rhyme it with "G"!
And that stands for Grey!!!
