Complicated nightmare work situation.....

[AndreaPalladio]

She's an adult. What she does is for her to decide, not for you to decide for her.

She's also an employee. How she conducts herself at the office is for her superiors to deal with, not you.

 

[tkip]

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Well there was definitely some lessons learned here. Where work is concerned, stay of co-workers business. Period. That's the obvious one.

I stated before, this same co-worker who became pissed at me is the same one who come to me on a few earlier occasions and discussed her own cousin's behaviour without the cousin's knowledge. So, I must have gotten it into my head that I could do the same. Of course I underestimated the ties that bind.

There's another lesson.

What really set her off I think wasn't that I had a talk with her cousin. It was the message. Namely, her flirty behaviour. I guess there are lessons for all of us invovled here. I wonder if they've understood anything from this. I like to think I have.

Enough said, case closed.....

 

[Hydrogen]

Take this in the right spirit.

If people are going to air the details of their personal lives, enjoy it like a movie: be quiet and just listen.

 

[dt_toronto_geek]

I'm wondering what concern you have with male co-workers who swear, have loose attitudes towards sex, sleep around and brag about it - especially when alcohol is involved

 

[tkip]

Interesting question....

When the guys I know have been behaving this way, I haven't exactly been endorsing their behaviour. Especially if they act like apes. And there is a difference between the genders and sleeping around and then bragging about it.

People treat women differently regarding this. That's a fact of life and life isn't fair at times.

I've actually told women this over time and remind them that a man can sleep around and he's a stud. People will cheer him. A woman does the same and she's condemned. Women are held to different standards when it comes to sexual behaviour and there are consequences when they begin to act like men.

I really wonder why more women haven't learned this lesson by now.

Something a good deal of women I know are utterly clueless about. They honestly can't understand why the men they put out so quickly to have such a low opinion of them. And from the sidelines, I just shake my head.

 

[Hydrogen]

I've actually told women this over time and remind them that a man can sleep around and he's a stud. People will cheer him. A woman does the same and she's condemned. Women are held to different standards when it comes to sexual behaviour and there are consequences when they begin to act like men.

I really wonder why more women haven't learned this lesson by now.

These women should tell those condemning them to mind their own f*cking business. Stereotypes persist because people don't protest them enough. It has nothing to do with life being fair or not.

The only lesson women should learn (and men) is to not pay attention to the prejudices of other people.

 

[caltrane74]

You can't change people. -

Let people lead their own lives, and let them make their own mistakes. In your case if the loose chick was your friend you should have told her directly your concens about her health/safety, but she wasn't. So let sleeping dogs lie and be done with it.

tkip - worry about #1 (yourself) Everyone else is on their own. I know it's not the Christian thing to say, but honestly if you worry about everyone's problems, the burdens may become to much for you to bear and you could crack.

As for devulging info about your friend to these 2 brats..you made a mistake. Can't take it back, just move on.

 

[AndreaPalladio]

When the guys I know have been behaving this way, I haven't exactly been endorsing their behaviour. Especially if they act like apes. And there is a difference between the genders and sleeping around and then bragging about it.

People treat women differently regarding this. That's a fact of life and life isn't fair at times.

I've actually told women this over time and remind them that a man can sleep around and he's a stud. People will cheer him. A woman does the same and she's condemned. Women are held to different standards when it comes to sexual behaviour and there are consequences when they begin to act like men.

I really wonder why more women haven't learned this lesson by now.

Something a good deal of women I know are utterly clueless about. They honestly can't understand why the men they put out so quickly to have such a low opinion of them. And from the sidelines, I just shake my head.

Maybe the women you teach this to don't give a rat's ass about your retrograde views?

 

[Hypnotoad]

Maybe the women you teach this to don't give a rat's ass about your retrograde views?

Very true. The poster fails to see the true nature of the problem and hasn't shown that he's grasps some of the major lessons learned.

This was not an issue about talking or sharing of opinions. It was one about attitudes and interpersonal relationships. Again, not sure that this whole situation qualifies at nightmarish either.

 

[tkip]

Interesting....

That you should say this because some of my other co-workers (women) heard about the breakup and came to offer their support. I was kind of surprised by this to be honest with you.

Some of my co-workers know of these other two and have admitted that they never cared for them or their attitude at all. They actually quite hated them and were glad I actually tried to draw some attention to their bad conduct. Especially the younger one.

Who apparently has more enemies than I was aware of at work. So yes, I realize it was better to have kept my mouth shut to begin with. And yes, I initially talked to the one about the other's behaviour since it was getting out of control. Yes, out of control. This is no understatement.

But I went into this with some geniune good intentions knowing that probably it wasn't going to work. Someone wasn't to be happy. This wasn't a simple case of going behind someone else's back though and spreading bad rumours about them. Far from it.

But in the end, with a drop of a dime they both ratted me out to the other with bad intentions when they heard something they didn't like. Their intention was motivated by pure spite. Mine wasn't. Stupidity perhaps but not spite.

And now they're hanging out with only each other while everyone else comes around me knowing what happened and still wanting to be around me.

Still............ I wish it hadn't come to this. As for my views on women's conduct? If you as a woman you put it out there that you sleep around and then brag about it at work openly, then why would you not expect some kind of feedback related to it from your co-workers?

I think its simply hypocrisy to expect to be able to act and say whatever you want at work but THEN you don't want to deal with any feedback regarding the way you're behaving? Right..................... Act in a inappropiate way but prohibit others from commenting on your conduct in public.

This is part of today's problems with our culture.

People want to say and do whatever they want to anyone and everyone but never want to deal with the consequences of their actions. And you're suppose to just sit there and accept the behaviour of others acting in these ways.

If you're putting it out there intentionally for everyone to see and hear then you can certainly handle the comments you know are coming.

And I am absolutely surrounded by too many young girls acting and looking like hookers while complaining that no man wants to take them seriously or stick around once they finish banging them.

Don't like this? Too bad....... I've seen a huge drop in the values of people the past 20 yrs and its just getting worse and worse.

 

[AlvinofDiaspar]

tkip:

It is their indiscretion, not your right to be involved in it by anything but official channels. If you felt that the girls are sexualizing the workplace, file a complaint to your boss or HR.

I've seen a huge drop in the values of people the past 20 yrs and its just getting worse and worse.

You're there to work, not to preach. If you think that their behaviour legitimately affected your working envirionment, file a complaint. If not, why are you getting involved? Again, see above.

AoD